How come family never listens?

[Scott Shepherd]

As a "little brother" one thing that's always fascinated (codewords for bugged me) is how I could tell my brother something factual, he's completely disregard what I said, and then would eventually come around to doing it after a stranger told him the same thing.

I began watching this phenomenon as a kid, and now many years later, I've expanded it from little brother syndrome to family syndrome. I've lived it internally, and seen it externally from other families, so I know it's not just my family :p

For instance, if I'm a computer geek, and you ask me what's the best tool to edit photographs, I might say "Photoshop, because you can do X, Y, or Z". Then I'd get beat down on how Photo123 (made that up) is better, even though he hadn't looked at either of them. Then, I'd find out he talked to a guy in an elevator and the guy said Photoshop was the Cat's meow, so he bought it.

I've noticed this 100's of times over the years, and it's puzzled me as to why people listen to the advice of strangers over their own family. I don't see it as much in my family any more (because I don't talk to them any more- only kidding :D), but I do see it often and wondered just what makes a person ignore a family member, and listen to a stranger. It does appear to go much deeper as a civilization, as people read the words of strangers every day, and live their lives according to what some stranger said or didn't say. Seems odd to me, but it does seem like we, as people, are fixated on believe the words of strangers, while we ignore the words of those we love, trust, and know best of all.

Anyone else notice this, or am I just crazy and paranoid that no one's listening to me, except strangers? :D

[Jim Rimmer]

I've noticed the same thing in my family. And outsde the family?? If I, as your brother, told you that I was going to send you an email and all you had to do was forward it to 100 of your friends and Bill Gates woiuld send you a $100, you would tell me I was nuts. But people get that crap email from people they haven't seen in years and immediately swallow hook, line, and sinker and send to their entire address book. Same principle, I think. Whatever that principle is. :rolleyes:

[Belinda Barfield]

Gee, Steve, I'm an only child and I don't listen to myself! :D

I understand what you are saying. In a former relationship I would suggest places to eat to my SO. No go. Then, he would go to lunch with a buddy and say, "We ate a this great place today.", and it would be somewhere I had been suggesting for months. Go figure. Maybe it is because we are too close to family and partners to adequately value their judgement. Doesn't make sense, but may be the case.

[Dave Anderson NH]

Family, to put a point on it, is just too familiar. It's the "expert from afar" syndrome. Kind of like the joke about a consultant being a guy form out of town with a briefcase who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is. I mean reaaalllly, who the heck listens to family? They don't know nuttin'.:D

[Dan Karachio]

If my little brother listened to me for just about everything his life would be wonderful. There are few people I can say this about, but in his case it is so clear. If only I had an older brother, I think I would listen to him!

[Frank Hagan]

Hey, even Jesus said a "prophet is without honor in his own country."

I've often thought about this because I find myself doing it to others as well.

When someone close to us asks our opinion they are often looking for validation for a decision they have already made. Subconsciously they have decided "I am going to buy Photo123 because its a lot cheaper and I am frugal" but when it comes out its "What's the best photo editing software?" If you happen to say "Photo123" then they feel good about themselves, as you have reinforced their decision. If you say something different, they have a dismissive reaction because there is a disconnect from what you were SUPPOSED to say. In a perverse way, its because they are close to you that they dismiss your recommendation if it doesn't fit the preconceived idea.

When the stranger in the elevator tells them, they view it as independent, unsolicited advice without any "baggage", and because they don't care if that guy falls to his death as soon as they step off the elevator, the advice stands on its own. His advice is more important than his standing with them.

[Greg Peterson]

Little brothers have a limited utility. Having had two of them in my youth, I can say this with great certaintity. However, one must be careful as the little brothers can, and often do, grow up into larger adults.

Now then, as for sisters, I'm still trying to figure mine out. You just can't hit them as hard for some strange reason. Must something about the laws of physics:confused:

[Chris Damm]

I am the middle brother and it works with both older and younger brothers! Younger sisters too!

[Cliff Rohrabacher]

Familiarity breeds complacency and complacency breeds contempt.

The people around us don't know nuthin.

[Dave Lehnert]

I work in retail and I can tell customers all day long they should purchase product XYZ. They will look at me like "He is just trying to sell me"
I can write a sign with the same info. Hanging it up on the shelf and customers won't question the advice. :confused:

[Mike Henderson]

I have a twin brother. He's a CPA and I'm an engineer. When I ask him a CPA question, I listen to what he says. I think he does the same when he asks me an engineering question. He knows a lot more accounting and tax law than I do.

Mike

[Jeff Dege]

For instance, if I'm a computer geek, and you ask me what's the best tool to edit photographs, I might say "Photoshop, because you can do X, Y, or Z". Then I'd get beat down on how Photo123 (made that up) is better, even though he hadn't looked at either of them.
Bah. Everyone knows that the Gimp gives the best bang for the buck :p

[Scott Shepherd]

Bah. Everyone knows that the Gimp gives the best bang for the buck :p

I did say "I might say Photoshop" I might not :D :p:p:p:p Back at ya!

[Phil Thien]

Trust me, your family trusts you.

They're just intelligent.

Intelligent people don't utilize just one source. They have a primary source (looks like that's you). Then they research the primary source's input a little and make their final decision.

This isn't a case of the elevator guy's opinion counting more than yours. It is a matter of everyone reinforcing whatever you've told them.

They consider your input invaluable.

How do I know?

If they didn't, they wouldn't talk to you about their decisions.

Oh, and you don't want the responsibility of blind faith. If Photoshop crashes because they didn't install the patches, they know that something is amiss because everyone (including their most trusted source) said it was the way to go. If they relied only on your input, and Photoshop crashes, then you're a jerk.

[Scott Shepherd]

then you're a jerk.

I've been one for 40 years according to my older brother :D Well, at least my earliest memories of childhood went something along those lines :)

[Mike Wilkins]

This happens all the time with my wife. I could tell her the sky is blue; but she will not believe it unless someone else tells her so. Happens with other guys as well. Just grin and bear it because it will never change.

[Bonnie Campbell]

The thing is to get someone else to tell them. My sisters husband won't listen to much of any advice she gives. So she'll tell me what she wants him to do and I'll tell him "I" think he should do such and such..... works for us ;)