anger management

[Greg Deakins]

It has been a long time since I have done this, but years ago when I would mess up something due to haste or improper engineering, or improper tool use, broken band saw blade, whatever I was working on would suddenly become a projectile on a direct route towards the closest wall. Thankfully that habit seems to have subsided.
In my shop currently I have set up in the corner a speed bag. In between stages of work, or if I mess up, I walk over and hammer on it for a while. If things REALLY go wrong, I have a heavy bag that is suspended in the ceiling, I can drop it down with a quick tug and really get it out. I'm talking about the bag here folks...

What are some of the ways others deal with this issue?

I have read some stories on here already, so I don't think I am alone. This wasn't brought on by a recent event at all, more likely the lack there of.

[glenn bradley]

Talk to your doctor about adjusting your thyroid. No, seriously.

[Joe Hardesty]

Ya, I used to have a pretty destructive anger, but then a guy taught me this trick. Works for me.

When I get angry at big mistake, I let all that anger and rage build into my arm and fist as if I am ready to smash something, but then, instead of actually hitting or throwing something, I slowly relax the tension and take a deep breath. That relaxation seems to take the tension out of the situation and I start to feel good that I didn't let my anger overcome logic. Over the years, I have had to use it less and less.

BTW, my thyroid has been well adjusted for years.

[Tom Walz]

I walk the dog

Took a lot of work to get there.

When I was a kid I lost my temper so badly once that it still has me scared 45 years later.

Tom

[Eric Gustafson]

I go clean the shop, the kitchen, or anything else that needs it. When I am done, I feel better and everything is organized! :D

[David DeCristoforo]

The difficulty of any given task and the amount of swearing required to accomplish that task are closely related.

Giving the offending article the "heave-ho" is a perfectly legitimate method of stress relief. However, it is important to realize that at least a small portion of awareness should be reserved to insure that the "thrown object" does no irreparable damage either to other objects or to any persons who might be unfortunate enough to be in close proximity.

"Blind rage" precludes this "semi-rational" approach and should, therefore, be avoided.

There are a lot of people who operate under the delusion that obscenity and rage have no place in the shop. These are typically the kind of people who press their fingertips together, take walks and drink tea.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

The difficulty of any given task and the amount of swearing required to accomplish that task are closely related.

Giving the offending article the "heave-ho" is a perfectly legitimate method of stress relief. However, it is important to realize that at least a small portion of awareness should be reserved to insure that the "thrown object" does no irreparable damage either to other objects or to any persons who might be unfortunate enough to be in close proximity.

"Blind rage" precludes this "semi-rational" approach and should, therefore, be avoided.

There are a lot of people who operate under the delusion that obscenity and rage have no place in the shop. These are typically the kind of people who press their fingertips together, take walks and drink tea.

That explains what happens in my shop....I"m a coffee and beer type of guy!......Oh... and BLUE SMOKE when the vulgarities start!:o:D

[Neal Clayton]

i agree with david, i call inanimate objects everything but nice.

[Rod Sheridan]

There are a lot of people who operate under the delusion that obscenity and rage have no place in the shop. These are typically the kind of people who press their fingertips together, take walks and drink tea.

Well, I'm one of those deluded people who believes that rage has no place in the shop.

Craftsmanship is partially about control of tools, processes, outcomes, materials, and of course control of oneself.

I'm not one to forgo all profanity, I just like to keep it to a dull roar.

The walk and mug of tea does wonders for converting something negative to something positive, so does laughing at oneself and the mistake that's been made.

Of course I can tell you that laughing at someone who in a rage threw a part across the shop, and then had to spend two hours finding it wasn't one of my my more brilliant ideas!

Regards, Rod.

[Kevin Barnett]

I think the whole "when I get mad at something, I gotta do something physical" is a response some folks learn. I haven't seen it work too well ever.

I usuallly just laugh at how I was foolish/tricked/not paying attention/stupid and get on with doing it the right way. I don't drink tea, walk, or do stuff with my fingertips pressed.

If you're tempted to throw something for such a small issue, you may need to look at why. What do you do for bigger issues? What if there's no punching bag? No offense, but I wouldn't want to be married to you. Acts like that are intimidating. I'm looking at your picture. You seem pretty good sized. So I bet it's very intimidating.

[Jonathan Spool]

Greg,
Anger or rage is something that builds up in a person, and usually the event that triggers the response you describe, doesn't merit the extent of the anger released. Often times if one was to incorperate an activity in their lives that provides a release of the built tension, such as martial arts or (no kidding) hockey, or other intense sport or activity, it becomes much easier to control the rage when it surfaces. Good luck!

[John Schreiber]

The difficulty of any given task and the amount of swearing required to accomplish that task are closely related.

Giving the offending article the "heave-ho" is a perfectly legitimate method of stress relief. However, it is important to realize that at least a small portion of awareness should be reserved to insure that the "thrown object" does no irreparable damage either to other objects or to any persons who might be unfortunate enough to be in close proximity.

"Blind rage" precludes this "semi-rational" approach and should, therefore, be avoided.

There are a lot of people who operate under the delusion that obscenity and rage have no place in the shop. These are typically the kind of people who press their fingertips together, take walks and drink tea.
Different strokes for different folks I'm sure. I'm happily deluded that way. I do get angry when I screw something up, but it's not good to make a connection between anger and violence, even if it's just against a broken piece of wood.

Sometimes I go for a walk or get a cup of tea :D, but I don't ever press my fingers together. I look too much like an evil dictator when my hands do that.:rolleyes:(insert maniacal laughter here)

[Tom Walz]

Are we talking about two different kinds of angry; 1. “that was dumb” as when you test a tool sharpness on your finger and it cuts or 2. The scary, out of control kind.

[Matt Hankins]

I assume that most people here work alone in their shop. But for those of us who work in a shop with others, anger management is a real issue. I once had a boss loose his temper and throw a phone book across the shop when I was operating the table saw. Always be mindful that a shop is full of spinning blades and sharp points. It only takes a second of distraction and lack of concentration to have an accident. If you are frustrated go outside. I wouldn't tolerate thrown objects or sudden loud yelling in my shop with everyone working and machines operating. One mistake may lead to another, far more costly one.

Matt

[Jim Kountz]

When things go wrong I usually seek out a senior citizen or some kid to beat on till I feel better.....................Ok Im kidding!! Take it easy folks!!
I have been known to throw a few things in my time but after breaking several really nice tools, windows and other things of value, I have learned to just walk away from the situation and come back to it with a clear head. Also my medication helps out alot and my doctor says Im doing really well.................But then again no one has seen him in quite a while........Muh ha ha ha haha haha!!!!

[Jim Rimmer]

Everyone has to deal with their anger somehow and only experience will show you what works. The propensity for the thrown object to come back at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of the mistake that caused the outburst. I've been around long enough and done enough stupid things to learn that throwing things generally ends up in additional damage and/or injury.

However, when working alone, an occasional outburst of colorful language doesn't hurt or offend anyone and if you stop what you’re doing while you are soliloquizing, it may give you time to calm down.

[Jeff Willard]

I do this for fun. I derive no pleasure from being angry. I set down, and walk away from whatever the source of frustration is long before I get to the point of becoming violent. I can't afford to become unnecessarily violent.

[Steve Rozmiarek]

This will sound oversimplified, but EVERYTHING that goes wrong has a cause. If something goes wrong that you are working on, no one to blame but yourself. Some decision that you made put you in the position to have that issue come up. Getting mad is just wounded pride, which will prohibit a learning experience. Better to not get mad, and analyze how you screwed up, so as to not repeat said performance.

I negotiate business deals often, and whenever the other party looses their temper, I can generally get my way easier, as they have shown their weakness. It's like a tell in poker. Hotheads are predictable, which allows rational thought processes to gain an advantage.

Another thought, anything bad that happens, opens up an opportunity. Maybe it’s a new way to build that table leg you just mortised wrong, maybe it’s a new job. Could be anything, but loosing your cool, will block you from seeing that opportunity.

[rich murray]

if your anger is such that punishing an inanimate object seems like a good idea, consider, next time, taking your second most expensive tool and using it as a tool to destroy your most expensive tool. then you can use the time it takes to look for, order, and wait for the replacement (s) to cool down and reflect on how lousy an option anger is.

[Chris Tsutsui]

Only once or twice in my life did I have to resort to a 5 minute meditation.

Go some place quiet and dark. Sit down with your back straight with your body relaxed. Then close your eyes and clean your mind of all thoughs and sit there for 5 minutes. Focus on breathing deep breathes. Breathe in your nose, and hold it a bit, then exhale through the mouth.

One of my teacher's was a drug addict and he owes his life to these simple 5 minute meditations.

I just worry that if I was unleashing violence, well it might lead to doing the same thing when there's only a person to take the beating...

[Jeff Dege]

if your anger is such that punishing an inanimate object seems like a good idea, consider, next time, taking your second most expensive tool and using it as a tool to destroy your most expensive tool. then you can use the time it takes to look for, order, and wait for the replacement (s) to cool down and reflect on how lousy an option anger is.
I think I was about eight, when in a temper tantrum I threw a favorite toy and broke it. I've found other methods for expressing anger and frustration, since.

[William Falberg]

This is all foolishness of course and I'm sure everybody here knows that the best way to deal with anger is to stuff it down into that deep dark corner of your mind where you keep all the other frustrastrations and anger one collects in life. You simply hold it there until the moment is right to let it all out. Everybody's usually pretty surprised when that happens but it's mostly their fault anyway so don't worry about it. It beats acting childish every time you hammer your finger.

[David DeCristoforo]

This is all foolishness of course and I'm sure everybody here knows that the best way to deal with anger is to stuff it down into that deep dark corner of your mind where you keep all the other frustrastrations and anger one collects in life. You simply hold it there until the moment is right to let it all out. Everybody's usually pretty surprised when that happens but it's mostly their fault anyway so don't worry about it. It beats acting childish every time you hammer your finger.

Thank You! this was getting way to serious! ;)

[Paul Ryan]

When I was younger and fixing cars I would on some what frequent occasion be known to throw a tool or 2. I found that after I chucked that rachet or wrench the time spend looking for it was much more frustrating than the few extra minutes of just sitting back and taking a break. I usually found that if I was say trying to install something that was a real pain in the arsh. Once I got real frustrated if I went on to something else or just took a break for a few minutes and then came back to it, it would usually go right in or cooperate.
The real kicker and what really made me tone it down was a hammer insident. I was pounding out some ball joints and the press was cranked as tight as it would go. So then I started pounding on the press with a BFH, and the ball joint still woundn't move. I worked on it heating it, had rust penetrant on it and the darn thing wouldn't move. I finally got so ticked off I chucked the BFH I was using. The hammer bounced off the concret floor and through a window and landed at the feet of the stores general manager who was talking to the owner outside. I had to do some arsh kissing to keep my job, and finally realized it isn't worth throwing tools. Now when I screw up in the shop at home I may say some kind words that God doesn't approve of. Maybe I will sit and have a beer, But I just suck it up and realize it is a learning experience.

[Greg Deakins]

I think the whole "when I get mad at something, I gotta do something physical" is a response some folks learn. I haven't seen it work too well ever.

I usuallly just laugh at how I was foolish/tricked/not paying attention/stupid and get on with doing it the right way. I don't drink tea, walk, or do stuff with my fingertips pressed.

If you're tempted to throw something for such a small issue, you may need to look at why. What do you do for bigger issues? What if there's no punching bag? No offense, but I wouldn't want to be married to you. Acts like that are intimidating. I'm looking at your picture. You seem pretty good sized. So I bet it's very intimidating.


IT's okay Kevin, I wouldn't want to marry you either, (not my type). But seriously, my temper is admittedly an embarrassment, but to the day has caused nobody physical harm, except myself. I won't get too personal, but I have been through some messed up stuff, and for some, like me, a release vent is necessary so it doesn't build up. If the part is busted anyway, it makes no difference if it is still in my hand, or on the other side of the room.

But this thread was for what everyone else does, as I have control enough to keep my five foot other half looking pretty, 'course she spent her youth taming horses and making them jump four foot fences.
But now its off to spend the rest of the evening where? in the shop of course, sanding and finishing with a bottle of shiraz.

Thanks for the input guys, after posting the thread, I started to think it was in the wrong section.

[Peter Scoma]

I don't know if you have/plan to have kids Greg but managing your anger in a more adaptive way is going to be necessary at some point in your life. Kids learn through modeling their parents behavior and I doubt throwing things when you get ticked off is a behavior you want to pass onto your little ones.

I usually get mad for a moment or two and then become obsessed with thinking up the perfect fix. When I've decided it can be done and hide my mistake entirely, i'm cool.

The only exception was this past week when demolishing one of my shop walls. No less than 15 seconds prior to the incident I thought to myself, "I need to stop and put on my workboots since nails are sticking up everywhere." Two steps later I caught a 2" common nail through the shoe that buried itself in the ball of my foot." After ripping the shoe and nail out in 1 shot, I chucked that suker 1/2 way down my block" :D

ps

[Mark Norman]

I also have thrown things in anger. even broken some expensive stuff and hurt the ones I love (not physically though for Many many years).

I will resort to one of the two following:

1. if I know exactly what went wrong, I will just fix it and move on. I'll correct what caused it, or at least try and try again..and if that doesn't work I'll

2. I sit back in the lawn chair and stare at it with my feet up and enjoy a cold barley pop. If I come up with a solution or if I get distracted with something else, which usually the case and intentional. I'll get busy with it.

On the occasion,, it seems as if all is going wrong and I get to #2 more than two or three times its time to shut down the shop and go in the house, cuz at that point I shouldn't be in the shop with power tools and sharp objects anyway;).

[phil harold]

Just say "serenity now"


works wonders

[jim carter]

It has been a long time since I have done this, but years ago when I would mess up something due to haste or improper engineering, or improper tool use, broken band saw blade, whatever I was working on would suddenly become a projectile on a direct route towards the closest wall. Thankfully that habit seems to have subsided.
In my shop currently I have set up in the corner a speed bag. In between stages of work, or if I mess up, I walk over and hammer on it for a while. If things REALLY go wrong, I have a heavy bag that is suspended in the ceiling, I can drop it down with a quick tug and really get it out. I'm talking about the bag here folks...

What are some of the ways others deal with this issue?

I have read some stories on here already, so I don't think I am alone. This wasn't brought on by a recent event at all, more likely the lack there of.

wear a thong [nothing else but shoes] while working in the shop, it doesnt matter what happens, you cant get that mad while wearing a thong,

[Mark Norman]

wear a thong [nothing else but shoes] while working in the shop, it doesnt matter what happens, you cant get that mad while wearing a thong,
Ok I understand the shoes but why the thong:eek:

One question,,, do ya wear socks too?:eek:

[jim carter]

Ok I understand the shoes but why the thong:eek:

One question,,, do ya wear socks too?:eek:

no socks, they get covered in wood particles. the thong is in case of wood that fly off at unexpected angles,.

[Mark Norman]

no socks, they get covered in wood particles. the thong is in case of wood that fly off at unexpected angles,.
LOL!!

I hate unexpected angles when turning....

Humor is good anger managment;)

[Rich Engelhardt]

Hello,

Me: "Honey, you have to go out and buy a thong".

SWMBO: "Eww, I don't want to wear butt floss!"

Me: "No problem, I want you to get one so I can borrow it to wear in the garage."

SWMBO: "Great. Sumu woodworker".:rolleyes:

:D
Wear a thong - LOL! Too funny.
:D

[Rick Moyer]

Go try to get a small ball into a 4" hole 400 yards away in four or fewer strokes. Everything else will seem trivial:D

[Stephen Edwards]

Greg,

I think that your anger management technique is great if it works for you. Anger happens. It's how we deal with it that is important.

I had a bad temper in my youth. Somehow, I take no credit for it, it went away. Now, when I get angry I will do one or more of the following:

do something physical that is productive, even if it's just picking up sticks in the yard that the dog has hauled out of the shop.

clean something.

take a walk.

write something.

count my blessings.

read my Bible

work in the garden

I forget what else!

[David G Baker]

When I was in my 20's I was one of those guys that needed anger management. It finally dawned on me that eventually I was going to get hurt by some of the anger things I did. I don't remember how I got it under control but I haven't gone berserk in over 30 years. I do use a few naughty words on occasion but nothing like the past. I also found that when I had an audience the performance was worse. Nothing like a little drama to spice things up when I was angry. I never took my anger out on living things, well maybe a couple of times when I was a teenager and someone was trying to do me wrong.
Another thing I noticed when I was young and was smoking, I would be involved in a project and spent most of my time smoking cigarettes and thinking about it rather than actually working on it. Anyone else have that problem? This problem went away about 30 years ago when I quit smoking. Now I get on line and spend time on SMC. :D

[Greg Deakins]

I think you are right Dave. I am in my early thirties and haven't had an event like the type I described in the original post since my twenties. I think it is growing up, but in reality, it is me just thinking how barbaric it is to over-react, plus it looks like you can't handle little mishaps, and if one wants to say they can handle big mishaps, little ones should not appear to be an issue at all. But I believe passion of any sort is better than a cold filet of salmon for a personality...

also, I'll edit this with something which may put a fence in the way of myself and a few, but my extreme anger bouts subsided around the same time I quit eating red meat. Now it seems I can muster some aggression, but it fizzles out quickly. But to keep this in teh realm of the forum its posted on, I will be the first to agree that rage and saws do not maix at all, hence the locally placed alternatives in my shop.

[Vic Damone]

It's not at all anger but rather frustration with myself for doing something carelessly. When it's time for a mental reset I either watch an episode of the Three Stooges or a scene or two from a W.C. Fields film. Laughter, is the miracle drug.

Another very funny thing to watch is someone losing his temper.

[John Coloccia]

When I start getting ticked off in the shop (I fill the air with swearing in two different languages), my wife walks over to me and says, "Now Johnny, remember what we talked about. Before you do something, imagine a big stop sign in your head and double check you're doing it right. You didn't imagine the big stop sign this time, did you?".

LOL...no. Usually makes me smile, and always puts things in perspective.

Did I mention she's a psychologist? Child psychologist at the moment, in fact.

[Brian W Evans]

I think the whole "when I get mad at something, I gotta do something physical" is a response some folks learn.

I would have agreed with you until my son was born. I have never had that kind of rage and my wife is the same way. My son, however, seems to have been born with it. He has never seen rage nor been encouraged to display it. He still has it, though. When he gets old enough I plan to enroll him in martial arts classes to help him learn to control his emotions and give him an outlet for some of his anger.

I am a teacher and I have had several students who became so enraged that you really couldn't do anything with them until they could release their anger somehow. You could see that they were dismayed and embarrassed at their anger, but that they couldn't get past it. Like with the OP, we have a heavy bag in the gym and a few minutes with that allowed the kids to calm down enough to start to work through whatever the problem was.

It took me several years to learn not to judge people about this sort of thing. We all have issues. They're not some kind of moral failure - even the scary ones. The moral failure is if you don't recognize your issues and learn to deal with them (or, in some cases, seek professional help).

Congrats to the OP for recognizing the problem and finding what we in the education profession call an "accommodation," to help him deal with it.

[Josh Rudolph]

Goosefraba...Goosefraba...

I laugh about it and move on. Add another one to the scrap pile.

Goosefraba...Goosefraba...

[Don Morris]

You need to put things in perspective. Does you wife have terminal cancer? Did your three year old run out between some cars and get hit by a semi? Anything less than something like that isn't worth that level of upset. Get upset at things that really are worth being upset at. Let me take you on a tour of a childrens hospital or the rehab center for the wounded warriors at Walter Reed. The inanimate objects we work with only take up our time, effort and money. When that goes wrong, a sense of humor is hopefully what comes to mind. When humans have something go wrong with them, then I'm upset.

[Erik Christensen]

Back in my younger, and more testosterone filled, years I had a definite anger management problem – never at people (I was raised in the superficially polite deep south) but inanimate objects were fair game. I was more into cars in those days, I mean you could actually work on a motor without a 12 page color coded hose diagram! When I did something stupid, which was a common occurrence, I would often hurl the offending tool/part to the back wall of the garage accompanied with language learned in the Navy.
The only problem was the back wall was sheetrock and a few times the tool was sufficiently massive and traveling at a good enough clip to penetrate the sheetrock and drop down between the studs. Having to stop work, move the workbench & cut a hole in the sheetrock to retrieve the tool did not improve my sense of humor so I got “clever” – which as all you guys know is a VERY BAD THING :D:D:D.

I figured if I put up some ply on the back wall not only could I hang stuff easily but I would never have to worry about tools ending up inside the walls… cool huh? Fast forward a few weeks – using a large crescent wrench, which had a grudge against me & slipped off banging my knuckles.. so without a thought I whip the offending tool to the back of the shop where it hits the ply… and to my idiotic amazement bounces back at me at almost warp speed. I got both a nice knot on my head and wakeup that maybe I should look at other ways of blow off steam.
Now I just cuss out the offending object in the lowest volume of voice I can manage – management has told me that if all I do is yell at my tools she won’t let me buy any more:).

[David DeCristoforo]

"I got...a...wakeup that maybe I should look at other ways of blow off steam.

The obvious solution was simply to remove a one foot high strip of sheetrock from the bottom of the wall.

[Ellen Benkin]

I walk away and do something else and come back to the project the next day. Usually by then I realize that I haven't "ruined everything" and I can fix whatever blunder I made. If not, my "punishment" is to re-make the part I screwed up.

[Jason Roehl]

I've blown a few times in my life, but there is one occasion that I look back on and laugh because it showed me the pointlessness of physically venting. When I was about 18, I got in a pretty big argument with my mom. My bedroom was in the basement, and I stormed into it right after the argument, seething with rage. Lo and behold, the room was clean, but for some reason, I had left the small, cylindrical, plastic wastecan (RIP) in the center of the room, about 6 feet in from the door. With everything I had, plus some teenage hormones, plus all that rage, I kicked that wastecan, hoping to put it into orbit, or perhaps through at least 3 or 4 walls. What happened? Instead of lift-off, the can split down the side and stuck to my foot. So, imagine a hopping (literally) mad 18-year-old with trash can stuck to his foot. How could you NOT laugh at that? Remembering that event has helped me realize the futility of expressing anger that way, though there have been a few slip-ups since. Don't try to replace the steel tape in a tape measure after arguing with your wife--good thing it was a Craftsman. :D Heck, don't bother trying to replace the tape, just get a new one, it's not worth the hassle of rewinding them.

[Dan Forman]

It's generally not the anger itself that causes problems, we all get angry from time to time. It's the stories we generate in our heads in response to the anger that can lead to things getting out of hand. Instead of "I screwed this up", we might be adding (wrongly) "and I always screw everything up, and always will", or "I wasted all that time and money, and I can't afford that", or any number of embellishments to the actual direct experience of screwing up. These thoughts are for the most part automatic, and we may not even be conscious of them. The embellishments fuel the anger, and often make us react out of proportion to whatever happened.

Swearing, throwing things, or physical activities like punching bags are various ways we use to divert ourselves from experiencing the uncomfortable feeling of the anger itself, and the accompanying internal dialog. They don't, however, help us react any differently the next time things don't go our way. To do that, we need to work on the negative self talk, and our attachment to having things go a certain way. The latter is basically a life's work.

That said, I'm still not above cursing from time to time, or occasionally doing further damage to a component I have already messed up. If the past is any indicator, it appears that I will have many opportunities to work on my responses to my own screw ups. I suppose that's a good thing. :D

Dan

[Mike OMelia]

"Upon reaching the milestone age of 100 years, Mr Smith was asked by a local media outlet what was his secret to longevity. He expained that when he first got married to his high school sweetheart, they made a special deal. Whenever they had a dissagreement, the one in the wrong would take a one mile walk around the neighborhood. And, he said, for 60 years, 4-5 times a week, he had been taking one mile walks"

Mike

[John Callahan]

What are some of the ways others deal with this issue?

Go for a walk or take a break- step back and cool off. Getting older has made it easier to deal with; I'm much more patient than when I was younger. Oh, the anger is still there, but it is just a flash of anger; I've come to realize that anger is counterproductive ........... it clouds judgement. Not that anger isn't justified, it sometimes is- like the time I forgot to change out the 2" brads in my gun for shorter ones and nailed the bifolds closed :D. I was in a rage at myself but only for a moment. Cooled off, fixed the problem, and learned a valuable lesson, one that might have been missed if I stayed angry. I've learned to laugh at myself. More often than not, there are lessons to learned- they become the thing we call experience. For me that is the best thing about SMC; we get to share our experiences ........ I've learned much and saved myself some anguish. And sometimes there are the times where things are out of our control- the wrong upper cabinets show up, some are damaged and some lowers are missing, the wall is 1 1/2" out of plumb in 8' (new constuction mind you) :mad:......... the anger is justified ......... but only for a moment. What is done, is done- a continous rage doesn't help find solutions to the issues. DAMHIKT

[Jesse Espe]

I walk away. Sometimes, I'll grab a drink from the fridge and see what my kids are doing. Watching them almost always soothes my nerves. Other times, I may provide to my wife some friendly harrassment, to which she will respond, "Needed a break from the shop, huh?" After a while, when I'm off the governor, I stop and think about how not to make that mistake again, and move forward.

[Dan Forman]

What are some of the ways others deal with this issue?


Sorry, I wasn't very specific in my last post.

There are two approaches to anger management. The first is what to do when your buttons are pushed. For this there are a number of strategies to channel the anger so that it doesn't become destructive. The cognitive-Behavioral approach is useful for working on negative self talk. Google will provide much info on this.

Mindulness meditation is a longer term strategy, which helps one to eliminate the buttons so they can't get pushed in the first place. It really gets to the heart of how the mind works and lays bare the processes of anger, attachment, love, and joy. A good starting place for this would be:
http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Beginners-Jon-Kabat-Zinn/dp/1591794641

Dan