Installing a Husband

[Belinda Barfield]

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as:
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5,

and then installed undesirable programs such as :

· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1 .

Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.


DEAR DESPERATE ,

First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
· If that application works as designed , Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 .
· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 -program These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

[Ken Fitzgerald]

Well Belinda..................Did it remedy your problem?:confused:

[Bruce Page]

I had to send that to a good friend that just finished installing Husband 1.0

Maybe I should have waited...

[Belinda Barfield]

I had to send that to a good friend that just finished installing Husband 1.0

Maybe I should have waited...

It's never too early Bruce!

I uninstalled Husband 1.0 after he installed Mistress 1.0. :rolleyes: I'm currently running Significant Other 1.0 and so far, so good. ;)

[John Fricke]

That's downright humorous.
Whenever my wife is feeling slighted in the attention department she walks in sans clothing......Works almost everytime.........unless the score of the ballgame is really tight.......or I'm reading a really interesting topic on the forum.

[Cliff Rohrabacher]

hmmm I musta missed the memo.

I didn't buy my sweetie that $20-thousand dollar tennis bracelet till long after we were wedded.

I figured if'n she was goanna stick around so long she might as well have a little bling for her trouble.

[Doug Shepard]

Maybe you should just settle for a dog. You can neuter him so he wont be tempted to run off with a mistress, doesn't know what the NBA is (though Animal Planet does mesmerize them), and you can micro-chip them to make sure they find their way home.:D

[Joe Pelonio]

I have the answer to this problem, just threaten to boot the hard drive!:eek:

[Pat Germain]

Where can I download "Hot Lingerie 7.7", Belinda? Sounds like the perfect application for Mrs. Pat.

[Belinda Barfield]

Where can I download "Hot Lingerie 7.7", Belinda? Sounds like the perfect application for Mrs. Pat.

www.victoriasSecret.com (http://www.victoriasSecret.com)

[Pat Germain]

www.victoriasSecret.com (http://www.victoriasSecret.com)

Thanks for the link, Belinda. That web site has some great "software".

[Leigh Costello]

My Husband 1.0 is doing just fine with only a few bugs. It seems that Wife's Garden 1.0 is a target program for Lawnmowing 1.0. This is usually remedied by You Can Sleep In the Guestroom 1.0. :D

[David G Baker]

With a lot of time spent in Guestroom 1.0, Husband 1.0 may spend time on line looking for an upgrade or may even switch over to Mac as a new operating system all together. :D

[Rory Talkington]

Sometimes offspring 1.0, 2.0, and 3.0 interupt exchange of or downloading of data with spouse 1.0. So I find that vacation 21.5 is a good solution if grandparents 1.0 will conduct temp download of offspring package. :D

[Leigh Costello]

David,
Husband 1.0 probably likes Guest Room 1.0 at times-I am told I snore. The nerve! :D

[David G Baker]

Leigh,
Having spent time sleeping in Detached Unheated Garage 1.0 while working the graveyard shift having Guest Room 1.0 when married to Wife 2.0 would have been Pleasure 1.0. Wife 2.0 lives in California, I live in Michigan. I upgraded to LOML 3.0.

[Ken Fitzgerald]

After running Conversation 7.0 with Wife 1.2, Husband 2.0 has decided he'll stick with Wife 1.2. After 40 years not sure if any further updates would work for either Wife 1.2 or Husband 2.0 except the upcoming update from Great-grandchild 2.0 to Great-grandchild 3.0 due to arrive in July.:rolleyes:

[John Schreiber]

That's downright humorous.
Whenever my wife is feeling slighted in the attention department she walks in sans clothing......Works almost everytime.........unless the score of the ballgame is really tight.......or I'm reading a really interesting topic on the forum.
That's a tea running through your nose laughing too hard post. :D

[Todd Burch]

This is Husband 1.0.

Wife 1.0 forgot to mention a few things.

When I tried to help her in the kitchen, and give her some suggestions for how to cook, she went into Mute Mode, and that turned into a Silent Treatment Mode, and finally Cold Shoulder Mode at evening shut down.

I suggested Cooking 1.0.1, but was threatened with Suspend Mode.

I then caught her nagging about me to GirlFriends 01 through 20. When I approached her about that, it got even worse at evening shutdown via Denial of Service.

The next day I ran a full Trace on her activities, and found her networking with the previous Service Technician. There they were - she was giving him full control of her user interface. The good news was that his pointing device wasn't working, and neither was his hard drive.

That night, after a long backup and restore session, we were able to reboot our relationship and nine months later we spawned a laptop.

[David Eisan]

What a bunch of nerds!

Count me among ya.... :)

David.

[Leo Graywacz]

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6

I can’t seem to keep Wife in the background while attempting to run my other favourite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife.

Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User

—————————————————————————

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men often complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife manual under Warnings - Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife does come with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Shorts skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Nag Support Microsoft Woman

[Belinda Barfield]

Thank you Leo! You have given me my first side splitting laugh of the day!

[Leo Graywacz]

Yours was good too. I never heard about the Husband version. I have heard about 4 of the Wife versions though. I really think the wife operating system seems to be more pervasive than the husband OS. LOL