newly discovered power source for laser

[John W. Love]

Well, its that time of year in Austin, Texas when the St. Bernard starts shedding and turns our house into wall to wall fur carpeting. This year the weather has been exceptionally crazy and right now it seems the perfect atmospheric conditions have been met for me to turn the static electricity from the beast into a workable energy source for the house. When I think of all the energy that can be stored in a small battery that weighs less than an ounce, I get truly excited at how much must be stored inside the 155 lb plus canine.
The only thing that concerns me is she seems to have energy spikes that could prove detrimental to the more sensitive equipment in the house, aka my laser, my computer and myself. The spikes are of great concern to me as they seem to increase when she gets in close proximity to yours truly. These spikes tend to shock the crap out of me when she sneaks up on me and wants to give me a full body hug causing me to go into some kind of fit flopping across the floor, (please note the fur carpeting mentioned above) generating even more static electricity and attracting huge quantities of today's freshly shed hair. This accumulation of which makes me look like I am trying out for the lead role in a remake of Disney's "The Shaggy DA".

According to several websites merely walking across carpet can generate upwards of 35,000 volts of static electricity. There is no mention of what flopping and body skidding across said carpet generates. Also noted that petting a furry animal can produce up to 90,000 volts of static electricity. I have also noticed that tasers produce 100,000 volts of incapacitating electricity. Somehow I believe that the results on petting a furry animal are off, as a couple of times I have awakened after accidently touching her to find that several hours have passed and my bladder has given up holding in bodily fluids.

My questions are:
1.) Is there a safe way to attach the jumper cables to her so that I can recharge the batteries on the neighbor's electric car?

2.) should the positive end be near her head or her tail? I checked her over pretty good after her last electrical discharge on me and could not find a + or a - located anywhere on her.

3. I understand that its not the volts that kill you but the amps. How do I properly gauge the amperage of a St. Bernard?

4.) Is there any way to properly regulate the energy spikes that seem to naturally occur when she is in my proximity? Also, any tips on how to increase reaction time to avoid being struck down when I see the bright white bolt of lightning that juts from her long wagging tail?

I feel that this may be a source to turn around our energy crisis and produce a semi cheap form of electricity. I seem to get about 4 gigajoules from a single 44.1 lb bag of purina dog chow (a week's supply). Also, if anyone has the plans laying around on how to build a flex capacitor and can aid me in locating a still running Delorean I could travel through time with just one bag of dog food.
Thanks in advance for any help.

~John

[John Noell]

When I worked in a computer store with cheap nylon carpeting, I saw system after system succumb to static charge blasts. (The new ones were under manufacture warranty so the service guys loved it!! Tons of repairs to do.) So I went to the carpet store and got a little spray bottle of antistat. I went around when the service guys were not there and they were mystified at what ate their cash cow. :)

[Brian Robison]

Back in the 80's we had some folks that had curb feelers and anti static straps on their "cars". You could try to mount a set of those to Beethoven.

[Stephen Beckham]

You might be able to get a copy of the 'archives' from a local video rental. It's all top secret stuff that Disney played off under the "I shrunk the blank" series.

I can't tell you too much or they'll come find me, but watch each film one at a time in slo-motion reverse and you'll be able to read his lips and see where the connection goes. Beyond that - I ain't saying nutin':D

[Kim Vellore]

you should try the anti static shampoo, I am sure such a thing exist.
Kim

[Joe Pelonio]

Use jumper cables. Attach the + side to his nose, and shove the - end up . .

Did I say that?

Seriously, janitorial supply companies sell gallon jugs of concentrated anti-static. You mix with water in a spray bottle and mist the carpet
and have no trouble for 2-3 days.

[Tim Bateson]

John, an easy way to gage amperage - sort-of... If your flopping around its low amperage. If you fly across the room and land against the wall, then you're moving up on the amperage scale. Don't ask how I know this, but I will say when/if this happens: your heart will skip a few beats, but return to normal soon - Man what a rush!
:rolleyes:
Now if you really want to have some fun with your electricly charged Kujo try this: grab hands with someone and just as you touch Kujo, have the other person touch someone else. The current passes harmlessly thru the two of you and strikes the 3rd person. Again don't ask me how I know, but man what a rush!
:rolleyes:
OK, at one time I was a bored nerd majoring in electronics - with no adult supervision! :cool: Anyone else ever touched a Jacob's ladder? Man what a rush! lol

[Steve Clarkson]

If you don't want to develop static electricity, but prefer biofuels, they do make manure digesters for farms.......who needs windmills when you have a St Bernard? You should get out of lasering and get into developing alternative fuels.

Actually, doesn't everyone in Texas own cows and have manure digesters in their backyard?

[Mike Chance in Iowa]

Now if you really want to have some fun with your electricly charged Kujo try this: grab hands with someone and just as you touch Kujo, have the other person touch someone else. The current passes harmlessly thru the two of you and strikes the 3rd person. Again don't ask me how I know, but man what a rush!
:rolleyes:
OK, at one time I was a bored nerd majoring in electronics - with no adult supervision! :cool:

No need to major in electronics. Bored kids & adults living out in the country do this with electric fences. Don't ask me how I know. I have been living out in the country for far too long and can't remember how I learned this trick. :p

[Dan Hintz]

Anyone else ever touched a Jacob's ladder? Man what a rush! lol
I used to build JL's and other high-voltage items... I don't wear rings of any kind anymore. Shorted the contacts across the caps one too many times while working in a tight spot. Not a pleasant feeling... what's left of it, anyway ;) MY eye and neck twitch doesn't seem to bother anyone, though :)

[Belinda Barfield]

John,

I can't offer any advice here, but I just want you to know that my monitor and keyboard are freshly cleaned. This was necessary because your thread caused me to use one of my super hero talents . . . the one where I spray coffee out of my nose (actually very effective agains super villians). The sight of me exhibiting this talent in turn caused my boss to fall out of his chair laughing. Thanks for starting my day off with a bang!:D

[Tom Gooch]

At our house, pet hair is considered a condiment!

[Dan Hintz]

At our house, pet hair is considered a condiment!
Ewwwwwww. An ex-GF of mine worked with a woman who owned a gazillion pets and didn't much mind where they walked. I didn't know this until after taking a bite of her homemade peanut butter pie (my fave). To say the pie had a fur coat of its own would be an understatement :( I waited until she left the office and promptly placed it in the trash. Ugh, it makes me gag just thinking about it, even now.

Animals have a proper place... on the floor, or in our lasers.

[John W. Love]

No need to major in electronics. Bored kids & adults living out in the country do this with electric fences. Don't ask me how I know. I have been living out in the country for far too long and can't remember how I learned this trick. :p

I grew up in the country as well. A couple of things you can try when you are really bored is get your younger cousin to urnate on the electric fence and see how far he jumps. And also, a good way to test the timing on a 1978 Chevy pickup is tell that same cousin, you know the one who walks with a gimp and really won't talk to you, even though it has been almost 20 years, to pee on the number one spark plug while you turn the key. Once again, see if you can guess in advance how far backwards he will be thrown. Bounces do not count, only initial impact.

not sure why he doesnt trust me. /shrug

[Larry Bratton]

ROFLMAO ! Thanks guys, I needed that!

[Mike Chance in Iowa]

not sure why he doesnt trust me. /shrug

.... and city people think it's so boring in the country and there is "nothing to do out here." Sheesh! :rolleyes:

.... and to this day, 25-30 years later, Mom still doesn't appreciate all the hard work we kids went through to collect a 5-gallon bucket full of live garter snakes. <sniff> <sniff> All we wanted to do was show her what a full day of hunting in the fields and at the "crick" could produce. We didn't know she would turn into a wild-eyed, screaming ..... :D

[Belinda Barfield]

.... and to this day, 25-30 years later, Mom still doesn't appreciate all the hard work we kids went through to collect a 5-gallon bucket full of live garter snakes. <sniff> <sniff> All we wanted to do was show her what a full day of hunting in the fields and at the "crick" could produce. We didn't know she would turn into a wild-eyed, screaming ..... :D

I'm right there with you Mike. My mother has never had any appreciation for how much work goes into actually catching a snake, much less keeping it in your pocket until you get home to show it to her. The fact that it was a small moccasin (sp?) might have been the issue. Oh well, she wasn't big on lizards either . . . sometimes a kid just can't win. :D

[John W. Love]

When I was a teenager, I had an uncle that would would pay us for rattlesnakes. He would tan the hides and make belts and lampshades out of them.
My best friend and I caught them by the hundreds. It was an easy way for us to make some spending money, and nobody ever complained when they caught you on their property 'cuz you was doing them a favor. In fact, a few ranchers would pay us to remove the snakes so we were doubling the cash with the same effort.
What we would do is find a den, find both of the entrances, then we would take one of those pump up sprayers you can buy and put a gallon of gasoline in it. Then one of us would pump up the sprayer and spray the gas fumes into one of the entrances, the other of us would stand over the other exit and grab them behind the head as they came out and toss em into a burlap sack. When the sack got full you would tie it off at the top and grab another sack real fast as they were pouring out of that hole one right after the other. The gas fumes messed up there heat sensors so they had a hard time detecting you when they first came out. Now, I'm not saying it wasn't dangerous, cuz to be honest they were pretty mad when you grabbed em and tossed em into that sack. After the last one came out you took your sack and made darn sure it was tied up good, and tossed it into the back of your pickup and delivered em before they managed to get loose. Nothing worse than having about 80 P.O'd rattlesnakes loose in the bed of your pickup.
Funny thing, Im not afraid of snakes or scorpions for that matter, but spiders scare the crap out of me.

[Belinda Barfield]

Funny thing, Im not afraid of snakes or scorpions for that matter, but spiders scare the crap out of me.

If you ever meet my SO, ask him to tell the story about catching a rattlesnake. Funny thing is, he is really scared of spiders, too!