John Fricke
03-17-2009, 10:52 PM
Ways to finance that new woodworking equipment You've had your eyes on
It’s time again for the annual ‘Stella Awards’! For those unfamiliar
with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in
New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the
lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving.
Here are the Stella’s for the past year:
7TH PLACE :
Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of
her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
running inside a furniture store. The storeowners were understandably
surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own
son.
6TH PLACE :
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the
car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.
Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.
5TH PLACE :
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house
he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for
Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could
not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house
because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when
Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count ‘em, EIGHT,
days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the
homeowner’s insurance company claiming undue mental anguish.
Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson
$500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.
Keep scratching. There are more…
4TH PLACE :
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered 4th Place in the
Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being
bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle - even though
the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did no t
get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might
have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had
climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with
a pellet gun.
Grrrrr. Scratch, scratch.
3RD PLACE :
Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a
Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a
spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone The reason the soft drink
was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
earlier during an argument.
Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?
Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more
Stellas to go…
2ND PLACE :
Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in
a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,
knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to
sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover
charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000…oh,
yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.
1ST PLACE : (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)
This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv
Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot
Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an Oklahoma University football game,
having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph
and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago
to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the
freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski
sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t
actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The
Oklahoma jury awarded her [are you sitting down?], $1,750,000 PLUS a new
motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this
suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy
a motor home.
And that, dear readers, is your fellow countryman proving, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is possible to supplant reality with a judge/jury’s decision. So, in conclusion - The words ofArgus - “Speak softly and carry a big law firm.”
It’s time again for the annual ‘Stella Awards’! For those unfamiliar
with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in
New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the
lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving.
Here are the Stella’s for the past year:
7TH PLACE :
Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of
her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
running inside a furniture store. The storeowners were understandably
surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own
son.
6TH PLACE :
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the
car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.
Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.
5TH PLACE :
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house
he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for
Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could
not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house
because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when
Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count ‘em, EIGHT,
days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the
homeowner’s insurance company claiming undue mental anguish.
Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson
$500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.
Keep scratching. There are more…
4TH PLACE :
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered 4th Place in the
Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being
bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle - even though
the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did no t
get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might
have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had
climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with
a pellet gun.
Grrrrr. Scratch, scratch.
3RD PLACE :
Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a
Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a
spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone The reason the soft drink
was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
earlier during an argument.
Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?
Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more
Stellas to go…
2ND PLACE :
Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in
a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,
knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to
sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover
charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000…oh,
yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.
1ST PLACE : (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)
This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv
Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot
Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an Oklahoma University football game,
having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph
and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago
to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the
freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski
sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t
actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The
Oklahoma jury awarded her [are you sitting down?], $1,750,000 PLUS a new
motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this
suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy
a motor home.
And that, dear readers, is your fellow countryman proving, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is possible to supplant reality with a judge/jury’s decision. So, in conclusion - The words ofArgus - “Speak softly and carry a big law firm.”