Unappreciated Handmade Gifts

[Rob Edmiston]

I'm pretty sure that this is a dead horse kind of topic, but here it goes. I have become quite discouraged with the degree of gifts that I have made for my kids that has been rejected by my kids. I have made musical instruments, game boards, fancy end grain cutting boards, five panel paintings and litterally the only item that has gotten one iota of use is an end grain cutting board for my daughter. I am just blown away at how these items have been lost, broken from careless tossing aside, sold by my ex. Something tells me that this just kinda goes with the territory of woodworking gift making but it is still just pure and pathetically disrespectful in my mind. I don't think that I am out of line here but I'm sure that I'm missing something important but just not sure we that it is.

Merry Christmas everyone!

[Perry Hilbert Jr]

Heck my ex would intercept the gifts, and give them to others and my kids would think I forgot them. And yes, there were times, the gifts were recieved but intentionally abused. like, being used to level a dog house in the back yard. I was supposed to have custody every other weekend, drove 80 miles to arrive at the appointed time, only to find a dark empty house. So I nailed her for contempt in court and then things got really ugly. After a few years of it, I just got sick at the thought of what a waste might occur, so I would give them things to do as a group with me. For a birthday, I would take every one to an amusement park, or some other event. If I got them clothes, even a souvenir T-shirt, it was "accidentally ruined" in the laundry at her place.

A hand made gift requires not only that the recipient appreciate it, but also that there is a modicum of common sense in how to care for and preserve it. Like a wooden bowl being left in the sink full of dish water over night.

[Matt Meiser]

A handmade gift should also be thought out by the giver. Is it appropriate, does it fit the style of the recipients home, etc? Even then it’s a risk as style is subjective. Not everyone wants a home full of stuff held only for nostalgic reasons. Cutting boards are popular and often appreciated and used as you’ve seen.

[Matt Day]

I agree with Matt, the gift giver (woodworker) needs to consider the gift reliever. Just because you can make a period piece from the 16th century, doesn’t mean you should give it to a hipster whose house is full of modern furniture.

If your gifts aren’t appreciated, don’t waste your precious shop time on it. Make stuff to give to those who appreciate it, for yourself, to sell, or to donate to a charity auction or something.

I sensed some sarcasm in the OP’s “Merry Christmas”. Maybe it should have been “Baa Humbug”.

[Phil Mueller]

I don’t tend to make “surprise” gifts. I offer an idea to a family member, if they like the idea, we sit down together and look over designs and decide together (a design they like AND a design I have the skills to produce). Or it’s something they ask for. As a result, the cutting boards, guitar stands, picture frames, boxes, shadow boxes, etc that have been made for them, are all in daily use.

The only real chance I took once, was when a neighbor gave me a nice slab of Koa he had in the garage for years. I turned it into a simple hall table and gave him the table. I think it’s upstairs somewhere in their hallway. If they decide to give it to someone else, or even sell it, that’s their choice. I really try to think of gifts as no longer mine. If I give it, it’s theirs to do with whatever they want.

[glenn bradley]

This risk is the same for any gift giving situation. Once you give the gift it is the receiver's prerogative to do with it as they see fit. It is no longer yours, it is theirs. Just because we put a lot of effort into something doesn't mean the receiver is going to value it. I think we have all experienced this in one form or another during our lives, handmade gift or not.

Stay horse . . . stay . . . .

[Brian Henderson]

Honestly, and this goes for more than woodworkers, but creators in general often do it more out of their own desire than out of the desire of the person they're giving to. How many people who crochet will give ugly sweaters year after year after year to people who really don't want them? Just because you want to make it doesn't mean they want to receive it. You have to consider whether or not the gift is useful because if it isn't, you have no right to expect that it will be valued or used. That goes for anything you give.

[John C Cox]

I am sad to hear that.... It's true though... Often people don't appreciate the time and work that goes into even simple looking things. A cutting board, wooden spoon, or a wooden toy can take hours to make... Musical instruments even longer - it can take 40+ hours to make a Ukulele... Very depressing for a kid to play "El Kabong" with a hand made musical instrument...

Kids are super rough - and can destroy an anvil in short order... Often they won't appreciate the gifts until they are quite a bit older... I have a whimsical hand painted ceramic from my great aunt... She gave it to me when I was about 4.... Mom wouldn't let me play with it.. Now 40 years later - it's a fantastic keepsake. Same for a wooden airplane made by Dad.. I have it hanging on the wall in my shop.

Gifts wise - I would consider a rolling pin, cutting board, or wooden spoon for someone you know likes to cook. Perhaps a keepsake/jewlery box for an adult or older teen..

Little kids - under 4 - can get the rolly toys..

Musical instruments for adults/high schoolers who already play... Little Kids get plastic oars with strings from the toy store... Unless the parents are super musical and know how to respect a real instrument - they would get plywood..

[Ted Calver]

Once a gift is given, you no longer have control of it and the recipient may do as they please. Sometimes they value it and save it, other times not so much. Give and walk away.

[Rob Edmiston]

Thanks everyone. I had a pretty woe is me evening last night over this stuff. The responses given are all much appreciated and we'll received and well taken. Have a wonderful rest of the Holy Day today and just as meaningful if a New Year.

[Harold Balzonia]

I think we've all given things we wish got a warmer reception. But remember, it works the other way, too....

when I started turning bowls years ago, I gave a little utility bowl to my accountant. She's been doing my family's taxes for 30+ years. She's a lovely lady but in all honesty we only see her once a year so she might not be considered "family" or one of our "best friends" whatever that means.

the bowl is maybe 5" across and 2" deep made from maple. No dye, no pyrography, not a unique shape, it's nothing exceptional and when I see it, I only think of how far I've come as a turner....

But to HER it is a treasured gift. Every year when I see her, she mentions how she loves it, it is filled with paper clips and used every day and has a very specific spot right under her computer monitor.

Never give a gift with expectations on how it will be received.

i knew a girl in college who got a brand new chevy truck from her father for graduation.... she told her dad she hated the color and couldn't wait to trade it in....

a friend gave his wife a diamond ring for their 25th anniversary. $10,000..... she said "you know I don't like this kind of cut on a diamond!" And made him return it....

I repeat.... Never give a gift with expectations on how it will be received.

[Perry Hilbert Jr]

Another thing that has been largely lost, is the art of being gracious. Folks who even if they hate an object, know exactly how to fawn over it and what to say to make the giver feel the item is appreciated, even if it isnt. Saying thank you in a sincere way instead of by rote. Remembering to mention it in future meeting, even pulling it out of the closet to put it on display before the giver comes calling. When I moved from north to south, I quickly realized that such charm and grace is cultivated more among southerners

[Matt Meiser]

If your gifts aren’t appreciated, don’t waste your precious shop time on it. Make stuff to give to those who appreciate it, for yourself, to sell, or to donate to a charity auction or something.

Or go out on a limb and, consult them as Phil suggested and use those skills to make a modern piece. Heck, you might even learn something new or find a new interest of your own.

[Frederick Skelly]

i knew a girl in college who got a brand new chevy truck from her father for graduation.... she told her dad she hated the color and couldn't wait to trade it in....

a friend gave his wife a diamond ring for their 25th anniversary. $10,000..... she said "you know I don't like this kind of cut on a diamond!" And made him return it....

I repeat.... Never give a gift with expectations on how it will be received.

I'm just enough of a hard nose that I'd have returned/traded-in both of these gifts, and then given each of them a $100 VISA gift card. "Not good enough? Geez, I'm sorry. I tried, ya know?"

(Not great from a marital bliss standpoint, I know. But....)

[Jim Becker]

My opinion is that one of the root causes for this phenomenon is that so many folks have no experience in making things...so they don't appreciate the level of effort that goes into handmade gifts and products. Some of this is very likely because of the de-emphasis of "hand making skills" and craftsmanship in the education system due to funding, liability and other factors and some of it is because other things caught their interests and supplanted the time that historically might have been given to arts, crafts and trades. We live in a society that's a lot more focused on knowledge skills rather than hand skills these days and one where cost often supersedes quality as a primary acquisition factor. I've been very careful about what I give even to my own daughters because even though they actually see the amount of work I put into things, they don't "get" the quality side of the story and assume that when I make something or repair something it's just about saving money. Folks don't understand the true cost of quality and that's relevant the worker who actually makes the stuff.

It's also why it's sometimes hard to get commissions on things...just as with gifting, there's a mental gap around the fact that hand-made quality takes time, effort and skills (and often nice tools) that have a cost. Some people understand this, but many do not. I run into this with my tack trunk offerings. Only about 5% of the folks who inquire don't need to change their underwear when they get even a ballpark cost for what "furniture grade" comes out to...